Am I the Moon?
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
"The Moon is magic and mystery - you know that nothing is, as it seems,”
“The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is scary in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a sign of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trials; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition,"
I know there is so much unused creativeness and originality inside all of me and all this madness (the madness that is me) ... but it's so hard to get to. When I was younger I didn’t have the same passion or experience or calling and now that I’m older I have the desire and the mission but I lack the energy and the confidence to go after it. I feel like there is a fountain inside my body with an abundant water source but I’m lost as to how to get to the well. I don't have the drill to get to the water I need. I daydream all the time, about what "it will be like" what "I will be like" once this struggle part has ended. How I will react, how I will be inspired, and how I will inspire. How I will be playful and flexible. How I will be active and dynamic again. I dream to be on the go again. I play inside a fantasy that has yet to see the light of day, and now I'm getting closer to being scared (beyond scared) that even if I do have the power to tap into my "great creativity" that it's passing me by too quickly. And, when I finally do muster up the energy to get going I'm fearful that I won't have the right tools to use.
I have been through a hard patch of emotional and mental trials for an extended time - it's adding up to several years. So, when am I going to own up and decide that my emotional and mental trials are just part of my ADULT life and decide that they aren’t going to go away. If I let them side track me any longer I'd be living in my ignorant past.
I want to go with my gut instinct. I want to trust myself. It's like I see the future really clearly but I'm paralyzed to become a part of it.