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No matter what when I wake up I still have bulimia
Besides the fact that last night I had serious re-discoveries that bulimia is playing a HUGE part in my do-nothing, achieve-nothing, go-nowhere current phase of life. Besides the fact that bulimia IS the MAIN reason I have no money in my checking account or my savings account. Besides the fact that I typically go to bed truly hoping things will be different in life and that maybe I’ll start having something to SHOW for new motivation.
Besides all these things when I wake up I am still dehydrated, hungry, starving, in pain because I am so empty, and already questioning what I can eat/binge/purge and when I can do it.

No matter that I have depleted ALL my $ yet again.
No matter that yesterday I spent close to $125 on BINGING.
(At least it’s $125 divided by 2 people)(I’m only justifying it here)
No matter that I'm a 22 year old girl (22 and a half on April 30th)
... with NO responsibilities.
No matter that my mom pays my rent, my car note
... and I don't have a cell phone.
No matter that I am as far away from my goals and dreams as ever
... and it's been MORE that 2 years.
No matter that I have very little to call my own
... including my own place or car.

No matter if I slept for 9 hours last night.
No matter that I am 102.8 pounds today.
No matter that today is the day I’d like to make changes.

I’m still bulimic.
I’m still poverty stricken by my own choices.
I've still lost 2 important years of my life for nothing.
I’m still lost for direction.
I’m still waiting
… but for WHAT

No matter what I still hope today will be the day.

NO MATTER WHAT I decide, discover, admit to myself, and put my heart into at night.... When I wake up I am still an anorexic girl with bulimia.
Current Mood:
hopeful hopeful
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[User Picture]
On March 31st, 2007 02:29 am (UTC), bulimicnervosic commented:
Chin up, pick one goal and tackle it hard. I mean in other parts of your life that you feel are paralyzed by your bulimia. You can still achieve things with bulimia...but it takes even more force and focus. Pick something and make it happen...school, job, etc...
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